Wow a lot has happened this year! It has been almost one year since I started this blog. I didn't post as much as I hoped that I would, but I'm still proud of myself for doing it.
Over the past year I learned many things:
--I learned that you have to say goodbye to people. We lost our sweet Lauri this year. The sunshine that she brought to our lives was gone. I learned that sometimes you have to let go of people. She was hurting. She was tired. She wanted to go home. I am so thankful that God took her to her forever home where she is free from the bondage that her disease had over her.
--I learned that God will say no sometimes before he says yes, and that's ok. Alex and I had been trying to get pregnant for a year this past September. I never knew that at 22 years old it would be so difficult! In high school the teachers and parents make it sound so easy you're terrified! Some people are blessed to have it come so easy for them, but that was not the case with us. We sought out help from our doctor and in October our greatest wish came true! We were expecting a little baby! Unfortunately, the timing just wasn't meant to be. We lost that little jelly bean 6 days after we found out. Then, on Monday December 22nd we were blessed AGAIN! I tested and tested and finally believed it was true after about 5 tests. I called the doctor and she did a blood test which confirmed our great news: we are having a baby! We were so excited and so much more confident in this little love bug and in God that we told everyone.

We have had our up's and down's this year but overall, every day brought me joy. Every day I found something to smile about and something to thank God for. No, I might not have gone whitewater rafting in Colorado. (I went to DISNEY WORLD!) No I might not have gotten pregnant in Oct (I got pregnant in Dec!) My life is beautiful because of the people who are in it. I wouldn't change one thing from 2014.

My goal for 2015 is to keep finding the sunshine each and every day.


Happy New Year!

xoxoxo

August 24th: It was a Sunday and Alex and I were on our way to lunch with some church friends. Somehow our conversation got turned to me being "late" that month. I didn't even realize I was. We had been SO busy with all kinds of things going on so it just kinda slipped my mind. Since we were already going to the store I figured I would pick up a test just to see what it would say. We went and had an awesome lunch and then headed home for our usual Sunday lazy day. I got home and put on a movie and decided that I would go ahead and take a test since I had nothing better to do. 

That next day we went over to Mark and Stacey's to do laundry or something. We had now been parents-to-be for a full day, and we were LOVING it! Our little jelly bean was already so loved and it had only been a day. Alex and I figured we would go ahead and tell his parents since his dad's a doctor and all, but we walked out the door and neither of us had said anything! As soon as we walked out, we turned around, pulled up the picture on my phone, walked back in and said "umm, we might be pregnant." So much for that big reveal I had been planning on Pinterest! We hugged and laughed and talked, and then decided that we would do blood work the next day to confirm it and see where we were at. Since I work at Mark's office, all the girls immediately found out what test he was ordering, so the cat was out of the bag! I was anxious for some reason to get the blood test done. I had taken another urine test that morning and it was negative. (I wrote it off as, it wasn't the same brand, probably wasn't as sensitive) I got the blood test done and had to wait until 7:30 am for my results to finally come through. 
<2 was what the test said. <5 means the test is negative. No matter how early we caught our little bean, it seemed as though it had now passed.. 

I tried really hard to put on the brave face. "Oh well, maybe that positive was just a false positive or something." "Eh it's alright, Alex doesn't even have a permanent job so..." No matter how many times I repeated these things, I was still heart broken. My OB/GYN didn't really have an answer as to what happened. She threw out the term "Chemical Pregnancy" which basically means a crazy early miscarriage. In the end, it just wasn't meant to be for whatever reason. 

I know that my story isn't as brutal as those women who have lost their babies after seeing them on the sonogram, or meeting them in real life. But it still brought me pain. It still makes my heart hurt sometimes. Fortunately, it made me grow in my faith. It made me realize how much we prayed for that little bean to stick and how much more I should be praying daily. 

And for that, I'll be forever grateful. 

I told Stacey that I have been trying and trying to write a post about depression. I just can't ever get it quite right. Our preacher spoke about depression not too long after Robin Williams passed away. After the sermon, we had several people come forward and say that they have been struggling with depression. I told them that we do get through it. Nobody mentions that part, but there really are people who overcome it and come out on the other side...I am one of those people. I'm the one who would shut myself off from the rest of the world when I felt like it was closing in. I'm the one who pushed my husband away because I couldn't bear the thought that I could bring him down with me. I'm also the person who recognized that I didn't feel like myself. I hated feeling lonely in a crowded room and I hated to feel unloved when God was clearly wrapping me in his love and warmth. I wanted to feel "normal" again. I wanted my old self back. I didn't like this skeleton of Brianna that was filling in for me while my mind wandered. Once I set my mind to getting better (and once I asked Mark if he could get me some help) I prayed like a maniac. I didn't want to push anyone away anymore. I didn't want to grieve longer than everyone else when I knew that it was no longer healing my body, but hurting it. I focused on the good. I focused on the fact that I would wake up every day and see the sun shining. I kept up with my bible reading and was determined to trust God, because that's all it really comes down to isn't it? I got depressed because of tragic events that happened in my life. There was nothing that anyone could do about the circumstances. Bad things DO happen to good people. Our hope though, is built on the foundation of Christ. We have to have faith that he will bring us through these trials in our lives. 

You're depressed because you're lonely? Talk to God! Pray for him to bring someone into your life and take away the loneliness. Then, let Him know how thankful you are for having him to talk to even when you can't physically see Him. You're depressed because you lost a family member? (or 3). Grief is good. Grief is natural. It's when it starts to cause you emotional harm that it gets unhealthy. Pray that God will heal your broken heart and pray that they are now rejoicing with the angels. Thank God that they no longer have to live in this sin filled world. 

"H.O.P.E. Hold On, Pain Ends."
You can conquer anything with the Lord on your side. This darkness that has seeped into your life right now? It's a hill that you have to climb. Lucky for us Christians, God holds us up when we're halfway to the top and we can't fathom continuing a step further. He will get you through anything, as long as your faith is in Him.

12:25am. I did it. 
xoxoxo 

**Please have the Kleenex box ready. Spoiler: this was sappy to the max**

Well I think that we all know that tomorrow is Father's Day. The day that all of the dads out there get to be reminded of how awesome they are. (I think there should be a Daughter's Day or Sister's Day too but that could be for a whole other post..) 
I figured that I should probably write a post about the "dads" in my life. Unfortunately I didn't do this for Mother's Day (sorry mom & Stacey, y'all know you're loved! <3) but I really felt compelled to write tonight so here goes nothing...
There are so many types of dads in the world. So many men who are constantly trying their hardest to lead their families in the best way that they know how. I'm so thankful for those men out there. We need more men like you. Men who take initiative and know their place in a marriage as well as in the role of a parent. I can't imagine how hard that is knowing each and every day you have people depending on you. 
I have several dad figures in my life. They have been shaping me and molding me to become the woman I'm suppose to be. This post is for those men and showing them how much they're loved and appreciated. 

Kyle- You made a commitment before I was born to make me your responsibility. Make me your full time job. Make me your daughter. That's not a decision that someone makes lightly and on a whim. The choice to be a dad is a conscious and daily effort. You were the one who taught me about roley-poley's and snails. You were the one who let me eat ice cream for breakfast and taught me that chips and hot sauce can always be considered a meal. You taught me how to hit a baseball and showed me how to play softball. As I got older, you showed me how to care for anyone and everyone. I always appreciated and admired your love of little kids and loved being able to share that gift with you. You taught me how to ride a bike and helped me learn that just because you fall and fail, it doesn't mean you should give up. You stuck by me through thick and thin and although I know there were many times where I made you want to hit your head against the wall, you always made sure that I knew how much you loved me. I am so grateful to have you as my dad. You were such a wonderful example of how to be a good spouse. You showed me how to love my spouse through anything and everything. You showed me how to adore my spouse and put them before myself. You were always selfless. You taught me how to cherish the moments that we have with the people we love, and to not ever take that for granted. I am so thankful that we have gotten closer and I am very proud to have you as my dad. 

Drew- You made a commitment to me when I was 7 years old. You made a promise to do the best that you could to raise me and take care of me. I am so thankful that you married my mom. You were the person who introduced me to the part of myself that adores music, all types. Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra were on my iPod before I went to middle school. You showed me that I can in fact, survive after accidentally being dropped on my head. You showed me that just because we're not blood, doesn't make me any less yours. Through the years we have butt heads and I'm sorry that you had to put up with me as a teenager. You never once let me forget how much you love me. You don't always agree with the decisions that I make but you always always have my back. I admire that and am so thankful for that. You were the one who scared all the boys away with your guns. You were the one who taught me how to defend myself and that's an asset I'll always have with me. I'm so glad that we have only grown closer through the years and I'm so thankful that I have you as a dad. 

Mark- Three years doesn't seem like very long, but I have already learned so much from you. The day that your son put that ring on my finger, I became your daughter, and I have loved every minute of it. You are the perfect example of someone who loves his family more than anything else on this earth. The only person you love more is God, which is exactly how it's suppose to be. You see things in me that I can't even see. You have seen the potential that I have even when I doubt myself. You have taught me how to be a woman in a God centered marriage. You have been such  a great example for Alex and I and that's something that I will forever cherish. We are so much alike and I'm so thankful for that. It's so cool being best friends with your in-laws. I could not have asked God for two better people to be parents to my husband. I am so honored to be a part of the Rodgers clan. (or mob). Thank you for sticking by me and showing me the true meaning of "family first". I can't wait for the day that we're able to have kids because seeing you with your grandkids is truly a gift. Thank you for being so welcoming to me. I am so thankful & so blessed. 

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you"- Phillipians 1:3


Wow this was a really hard post to write! I am so glad Alex isn't home, he would be freaking out with all the tears! haha 

Love,
A very blessed daughter
xoxoxo

My life has been going by 50mph these past few weeks!! We have successfully moved into our new apartment now and LOVE it! It feels like home and it's so stinking cute :) But the other big change that has happened recently is I have gone back to work for Mark! 
This has been something that I have wanted to do since the day that I left, and it finally happened! I'm not in the research department like I was before which is a pretty big change for me, but that's ok. I am now working in the referral department and it's been a lot of fun being able to learn something new! So that's my big news. New job, new house, new me! I am so excited for all of the things that God has blessed us with and I look forward to seeing what else He has in store for Alex and I :) 

So if you're in the office and you see me, that's why! :) 

xoxoxo 

Super quick post!! Finn has been entered to win our vet's Pet of the year award!! All you have to do is go to the link I provided and vote once a day!! :) I think he's the greatest little guy ever, and you can show your love just by voting. Thanks!

xoxo

https://www.facebook.com/CreeksidePetCare?sk=app_561968997176855&app_data


P.S. I will write a legit post tomorrow hopefully. But it's not gonna be a super happy one so don't getchyo hopes up.

James 1:2-8 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." 
This is one of my all time favorite Bible verses. It is so comforting when you go through any type of trials. "Count it all as joy." This is something that is so so hard for all of us as humans. When we are suffering, we can't imagine how it's possible for joy to enter our lives again. But it really does happen. It might be gradual and it might not be when you expect it, but it does happen. If you're a Christian, you are able to be comforted by knowing that this is an opportunity to grow in your walk with God. It's a way to draw closer to him, and to appreciate all of the happy times in your life that he has blessed you with.
I picked the quote above tonight because I think it's something that we need to remind ourselves. Children are so innocent and soft. Their hearts are tender and they don't have the knowledge of what is really out there in the world. I think that over time and as we grow older, we start to lose that softness. We are confronted with conflicts and problems and it makes us grow hard and cold and unwilling to trust. We have to remind ourselves that this is just the world. The world is a cruel place and we can choose to live in the world without being of the world. Just because bad things happen, they don't have to harden our hearts. Just because we get angry, we don't have to lash out. Just because we get our heart broken, it doesn't mean that we have to make the heartbreaker miserable. We have continually remind ourselves that we need to be soft. We need to be the Christian that God expects us to be.
And yes, we don't always do that. But when we make mistakes, which we will, we should know how God would want us to handle it. We have to take everything with a grain of salt and remember to treat others how we would want to be treated. God will always love us. We have to ask for forgiveness and move on. I think this reminder is the most comforting of all. It's what keeps us going when we mess up. 

This was a blah blog tonight. 
Sorry 'bout it.

xoxoxo

This post has been on my mind all day. I have all of these jumbled words in my head but I can't seem to figure out how to get them here. So many women were celebrated today in honor of Mother's Day, and yet so many other women were forgotten. 
This quote is so beautiful. It's such a great way to look at motherhood. There are so many women out there who would do anything to be a mom. There are so many who would gladly change stinky diapers at 3 in the morning and go days without getting a good night's sleep. These are the forgotten women. These are the women whose hearts ache today. They are the ones who silently cry themselves to sleep because they went another Mother's Day childless. These are the women who smile politely when they see a pregnancy announcement on Facebook. These are the women who go through months and months of waiting, wondering & praying for the day when they too will get to experience what it feels like to have someone else's life growing inside them.
When they see that someone got pregnant "on accident", their heart breaks. When they see a young girl in high school get pregnant, it kills them. When they hear that someone is upset that they're pregnant because they don't want a baby, they want to scream. Just because you cannot physically see a baby in their arms and just because they have never seen that second line on a pregnancy test before, doesn't mean they're not a mom at heart. 

Infertility & loss is something that so many women struggle with. This year just take a minute to remember those women as well as those great moms out there.

xoxoxo

I am absolutely in love with this quote. It's just perfect, and it sums up my feelings for this afternoon. I don't know what's going on in my head but I'm just in a "missing" mood. I miss everyone. All of those friends that were once in my life and are now just sweet memories. All of the people whose funerals I have attended recently, they're still gone. All of them are now out of my life. I get that it's a part of life. I understand that it is what makes us grow. We weren't meant to have all of those people with us forever. Some were just meant to be there for us in a specific time and then they are meant to go on. I know all of that, but it doesn't mean I can't miss them. Miss those times where they were here with me. Miss being able to text them, go see them, write to them. Days like today come out of nowhere for me. It can be sparked by anything. I'm just having one of those days. I'm sure tomorrow I will wake up and everything will go back to normal. Yes, I will still miss those people, but it won't be an ache. It'll just be. 

I long for that tomorrow. 
xoxoxo 

Sometimes it feels like we are completely useless. It feels like we're condoning something just because we don't come out and say "that's wrong". It's frustrating to see a person that you love make terrible choices and mistakes and not be able to fix them. (goes back to the earlier post about "fixing things"). Whenever people do something that they clearly know is wrong, I just want to look at them and say "What are you thinking?! Why would you do that?!" It's natural. It's my gut reaction. But it's not necessarily biblical. James 1: 19 states that we should "be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;" 
We are also taught from the Proverbs writer that "even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent." There are quite a few people that I would love to just go and shake them and tell them that they need to start living their lives the way God wants them to live it, but that's just not the way it should be handled. My life is not perfect by any means. I make mistakes, I sin even when I try not to. I'm human. But I try and make a conscious effort to not sin. I try and do what God tells me I should do. There is a time where we do need to confront people because of something they're doing, I understand that. There are also times when you know that no matter what you say, the person isn't going to listen to you. It goes in one ear and out the other. It's these times where we must be silent, let go, and let God. I can't save someone from themselves, only God can. And only when they are willing to change. This is something that I need to constantly remind myself. In this situation, all I can do is pray and trust that God will handle it. Because that's really what it boils down to isn't it? Do I trust God enough to trust him to handle a situation instead of me taking it into my own hands?

Just some food for thought.
xoxoxo